Haze
by kingofFevers
Summary: Aiden: has a breakdown, grabs a knife, locks himself in a room. Jesse: has a breakdown. Both of them: cry.


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"Aiden," she said in a sob, "please."

It was an outburst, plain and simple. Pent up, like an explosion. It didn't come out of nowhere, but it took everybody by surprise.

"Surprise," of course, being a massive understatement.

"Please," she sobs again, and for several minutes all he hears are her sobs as she tries to gather words, and the racket in his head.

'This is all my fault,' 'I'm sorry,' 'I want to die,' 'Please let this end.'

Overlapping sounds.

Aiden continues to tremble, even his legs gave way long ago, as he slid against the door and fell to the floor with a thump. Seething and hissing and gasping for air, his scratched and bloodied fingers find the carpet and grip the fibers as if he would rip them out.

Better than a bald spot on his head.

(Useless thought if he were dead.

Wouldn't matter in the end.)

His wife stutters from the other end of the wood. At the back of his mind, he's surprised he heard her against his throbbing head and the storm in his mind and the sounds of both of them crying out their eyes.

And at the front, she's crying, iand it's all his fault

"Aide- Aiden-" it comes a little more clearly, "Please."

His eyes screw shut and more tears form. His **fa** **ul** _t_ _his fa_ **ult h** _is fa_ ** _ult_ his fa _ult his wife_** _shou_ **l** **dn't** **be crying H** iS FAU **LT**

"If you won't do it for yourself-" his head flashes to the knife sitting just inches away from his foot, and he fumbles to kick it away, only mildly trying to keep his socked feet from getting cut, "Please do it-"

A sniff. More sobbing. More racket.

His fault.

"Do it for me... Do it for me."

He trembles, his breath hitches non-stop, and he sloppily wipes the tears from his face.

His sleeve is streaked with faint white.

"I know-" she stutters, and he desperately wants to tell her, reassure her that he understands, that he gets what she's trying to say, and that he's trying so hard to be better and stop crying and that he wants to be with her forever, **_he's here_** , but _god_ it's so hard. So, so hard. Nevermind the fact that he's crying.

"It's- I get if you don't want to do anything for me- anyone. I- I know that.." - She's covering her bases, she always does this, _Jesse, god, **please**!_ How he wants to let her know, It's Okay, solidify the thought - "T-That it's s-selfish, B-But... And... It's fine if you don't want anything to do with me, or you, just-"

She's rambling- _Oh my god, Aiden, shut up!_ \- Jesse, it's okay, IT'S OKAY- **IS IT OKAY?**

PLEASE MAKE IT STOP

"Whatever you decide to do-" her voice is trembling, she's crying, God, please don't cry anymore, he hates seeing her cry, "I- I'll respect it. I'll respect you. Do what's- what's best f-for you, what you _want_ to do."

His thoughts contradict each other and overlap and the room is so so so noisy ieven though/i they live in the middle of the forest And there are no monsters out.

 _But it's all too much_

 ** _And he's so tired_**

 _ **(please let it all end)**_

No more crying Jesse No more sick Aiden No more blood no more tears no more everything

"I just want you to know-" a breath, desperate for air, "-know that I'll always love you."

And she trembles, because that's the only right word, because that's all they can do

because the tears don't stop, even when nothing is falling.

"I love you so much."

And he can't stop shaking.

He takes several seconds, several agonizing moments trying to muster as much willpower as he possibly can, pushing his trembling form to the doorknob and pulling it down. Let her in. Open the door.

 _Please, all I want is for everything to stop._

Then a soft slam, a creak. His hand falls to the floor as the door is nudged open, and with a desperate push it's out of the way, and Aiden briefly realizes as Jesse quickly crawls to him and clutches to him like a lifeline that she'd sat down too. And his legs are weak and his breathing is weak and his face is warm and tear streaked and his head hurts so much. His fingers are bleeding and nails are chipped and it's so cold and he feels sick

But she's here

And finding her in his arms again, holding her close, here again, finding the scent of her in her hair and her soft clothes and ifeeling/i her, hearing her soft sobs and realizing the heavy weight on her was his too.

'Sharing the moment' is the best phrase to describe it, for lack of a better option.

He cherishes her words, the emotions, the feel and the sounds and the thoughts run wild in his head some more as he strokes her hair, rubs her back and nuzzles her and she does the same to him.

He cherishes her _here_.

(She was always there, they were always together in everything, but a breakdown and a door slammed shut and tears and cuts and heads of noise are enough to separate them far longer than they'd ever wish.

And he doesn't want that anymore, but it happens so many times.)

Again

And again

And again

And again

Too many times

And he's so tired.

Tired of them both not being okay

Tired of being stuck in circles

( _Exhausted_.)

It never ends.

They can't get out.

Like suffocating, drowning, over and over again, reliving a death with no end in sight.

Again and again and again.

 _He's so tired._

She tightens her hug and, violently, he's pulled out of the whirlwind once more, and he returns the embrace, burying his face in her shoulder and trying to stay grounded for as long as he can.

 _She's here._

It's all they can do before the flood drowns them away.


End file.
